Tag Archives: Mother

One Month

26 Apr

She was born on March 27th, 2013.

While I can hardly believe that this month has passed so quickly, it’s also felt at times as if the days and nights (especially the nights) are neverending.

In the months and weeks before becoming a parent for the first time, you hear repeatedly from all the well-meaning-been-there-done-that people that the first few weeks are going to be tough. Well fine, but I didn’t imagine that things were going to be this tough. It’s survival mode: we’ve been grabbing sleep, scraps of nutrition and hydration, quiet moments whenever we can. I’ve been struggling with feelings of isolation and entrapment because nursing and its rigid schedule around the clock has been unrelenting.

And then because of all that, I’m overcome with guilt.

It’s hard not to compare myself to other first-time mothers who write in their blogs about their shimmery lives with their brand new child. It’s hard not to wonder why I don’t feel this way and why my life isn’t so spotless and perfect and bursting with more moments of joy than one can count. My life isn’t spotless, and it’s less than pristine, and truthfully, it’s filled with bursting diapers, tense, insecure moments and lots of tears from her AND me because we’re not sure how to satisfy anyone’s needs in this house anymore.

I know that it will get easier, but will it ever get so easy that my life will be as idyllic as those mommy bloggers out there?

I don’t think so.

Please, no one get me wrong. We love our daughter, and we have come to love each other more because she is us and she is ours.

Clara is her name. And we’re lucky and blessed for her.

And while I don’t have the seemingly obligatory baby month onesie sticker to commemorate this milestone with a photo for my blog — as mentioned above, this month kinda came and went without me knowing it — here are some other silly photos of our funny face-maker which will likely mortify her in years to come.

She got some ears for Easter.

She got some ears for Easter.

photo 2

Blue Steel or Magnum.

photo 3

Her E.T. moment

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