When I Grow Up

10 Mar

When I was young, I looked to grown-ups as big people who had jobs and owned stuff like houses and cars and had it all together. They knew stuff. Lots of it. And they always had cash in their wallets. They had jobs to go to and wore dry-cleaned, freshly-pressed clothes, and the ladies wore heels that made grown-up clicking noises on the floor. They were husbands and wives. Moms and Dads. Grown-ups that I looked up to, and who had me believing that someday when I grew up myself, my life would look like that too. I would know lots of things, always have cash in my wallet to buy stuff like Brussels sprouts from the grocery store and clickety heel shoes for work and gum for my purse. I would have a few credit cards stored in the slots of my wallet for the more expensive buys like jewellery and coats and televisions. I would have a husband and some children too.

I would have a house filled with furniture and pots and pans and plants. I would cook all the time, and my fridge would always be full of food and my cupboards full of snacks. I would have the time to do everything that I wanted. I would have fun on the weekends and go on vacations and read books and drink big glasses of red wine and have martinis with my friends. I would have a job that was easy to do because I would be an expert at whatever it was I ended up doing. I would be self-sufficient and intelligent and mature. I would not be unsure of anything.

There is a little bit of a gap between that, and what I am now as a 30-something grown-up.

I don’t always have cash in my wallet, and I have limited myself to 1 credit card. This is so that I can control my money and budget. And while I wear heels at work, I will get out of them and wear flats at my first opportunity because I value my comfort. I stay away from clothes that are dry-clean only, and I will avoid wearing anything that needs to be ironed because I just don’t have the proper time to maintain items like this. I’m always in a hurry to get somewhere because I am constantly running out of time. I have a house, wherein which some rooms don’t have proper furniture and mismatched pots and pans line my cupboards. It’s also where plants come to die. I am cooking all the time, and while I enjoy doing this, the main motivating factor for this is the money we save by not eating out so much and by brown-bagging our lunches. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I have a job that’s not exactly easy to do, and while I’m good at what I do, I’m far from being an expert. I am unsure of many things.

I guess this is what it means to be an adult, to understand that we are always in a state of growing. That there are always things to be learned, that I will not ever have all the answers. That it’s ok that it’s not perfect. I thought adulthood would erase struggles; it didn’t, we just have different ones. Are we all doing what we thought we would be when we grew up? After a few years of trying different things, I have found a career that fits me. For now. But if you ask me where I think I want to be in five years, I wouldn’t have a good answer for you because I really don’t know. A little bit more grown-up, I suppose. A little less afraid of failing. Learning more about what is important to me. Being sure of the relationships that are meaningful to me. And not so secretly wishing that I had more of that cash in my wallet.

*Image from weheartit.com


3 Responses to “When I Grow Up”

  1. Steph S C-O March 11, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    great post! As a kid, everything grown-up certainly seemed so grand and fantabulous. My life as a grown-up certainly is not what I imagined it would be either. But you’re right…as long as we accept change as it comes and cherish the relationships we have, then, life is good. PLUS, we can have wine and fun alcoholic drinks to temporarily forget about the cash not sitting in our wallets! lol!!!

    • kat March 11, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

      girl update your blog already

  2. kat March 11, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

    love this post. i remember when i was younger, i would think: when I’m 25, i’m gonna be rich! Yeah, ok. Then again, I thought that by the year 2000, we were all going to be living on the moon!

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